I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Alive.
So much puke
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
