hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
