She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
