I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
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Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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