don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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