he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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