He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
