I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My friends, they love my intelligence
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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