gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
