So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
