Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I can't trust your balls anymore.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
