shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
