the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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