It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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