There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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