so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
