Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
someone get that fucking seahorse.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
