His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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