If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
