She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
