i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
