I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
