my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
