He is such a slut. More and more my type.
is wine microwaveable?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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