Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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