we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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