Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
