A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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