Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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