8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
