apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
