what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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