i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you had me at cake vodka
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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