its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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