I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
