I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
