he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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