I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
