I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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