he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
