you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
