I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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