and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
