He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
