We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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