we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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