Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
