I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
