Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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