Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i think my cat just said my name.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
