let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
