When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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