Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
